just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
