My Higher Power is John Stamos
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
