Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
