the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
