it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How's work?
Spinning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
