Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
