The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
