thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hate all girls vehemently.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
