i jhust puked up my retainher.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
