Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
God, I missed his penis.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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