Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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