YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
