escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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