Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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