I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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