I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
