i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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