i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
