fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
