You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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