my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
