it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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