Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
