I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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