so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
