Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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