I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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