Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
