is your mom at the bar?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
