Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
