just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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