I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
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