I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
