dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
