I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
