I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
