The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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