He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
