i barfeds in our rink
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
