Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
