we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize