Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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