When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need moral support for this bender
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize