Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
