I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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