Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also, beer. Big fan.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
