so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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