You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
