if you like me you must not know who I am
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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