yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I cannot find my penis.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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