please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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