someone get that fucking seahorse.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
