We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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