My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My feet surprised me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
