mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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