She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
