If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
