That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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