his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
