I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
