well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
