I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
