if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
